The fact of the matter is that if youâ€™re dating after divorce, youâ€™ve got baggage. Itâ€™s hard to go from a supposedly lifelong committed relationship to dinner with someone you met online, texted a couple of times, and maybe had a phone conversation or two with. Itâ€™s exciting, yes, but it can also be nerve-racking as all get out.
Here are some tips for surviving the beginning stages of a brand new relationship after divorce.
Remember that heâ€™s not your ex: This is possibly the most important one to remember. Just because he mentions his mom doesnâ€™t mean heâ€™s a mamaâ€™s boy, and if he doesnâ€™t text you for a day or two, it doesnâ€™t mean heâ€™s willfully ignoring you — he may just be super busy. Of course heâ€™s not perfect (neither are you) but heâ€™s got his own unique issues that youâ€™ll figure out eventually if the relationship keeps moving forward. For now, just enjoy the not knowing.
Donâ€™t date to cheer yourself up: Date when you feel good enough about yourself to risk the rejection of, well, rejection. Itâ€™s highly unlikely that youâ€™ll meet your next life partner two seconds after your marriage ended, which means that there are going to be some times where youâ€™re just not that into each other, and of course the painful times when heâ€™s just not that into you. Try to be in a healthy, emotional place before you open yourself up to that.
Play the field: If youâ€™re fresh out of a divorce, chances are that youâ€™ve been obsessing over your relationship with your ex-spouse for a while. The last thing you need is to obsess over one person again, which you may have a natural inclination to do if you put all your dating eggs in one basket.
Take care of yourself: Donâ€™t expect a new flame to be an emotional crutch, or have anything to do with your honey-do list. This is the time to show him, but more importantly yourself, that youâ€™re a capable lady who would like a man, but doesnâ€™t need one.
Remember that men are like buses: Another one is always around the corner. Seriously, itâ€™s ridiculous how many single people are out there looking for love just like you. If it doesnâ€™t work out after a few dates with someone, donâ€™t try to hold onto it with a death grip. Trying to fit a square peg into a round hole never does anyone any good. Take a deep breath, tell yourself you just prevented your second divorce, and let it go.MYNEWSHUB/Cafe Mom Blog